The Agony and the Ecstasy

Posted on Tue Jan 7th, 2025 @ 9:56pm by Commander Shr'Nesh Karadis & Lieutenant Commander Kevin Kilbane & Lieutenant Commander Shoniara T'ghann-Dex. Doctor

4,755 words; about a 24 minute read

Mission: The 'Eagle continues.
Location: Crew Lounge/Kilbane's quarters/holodeck
Timeline: Current.

Anyone who hasn't experienced the ecstasy of betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all.

Jean Genet

Shon was tired, she seemed to feel that certain condition more and more since she rejoined the crew of the Blackeagle. She put it down to increased work and the uncertainty of her relationships with some members of the crew. After the Captain’s short period of hospitalization they had come to a kind of agreement about their past relationship. Friends was the best she was going to get and she desperately wanted to ‘connect’ with someone. She had had enough of being alone. The previous mission had told her that.

When her alarm had gone off she was surprised, “didn’t I just go to bed?” She asked the empty walls of her bedroom. Sliding out of bed she began her day showering, dressing and Klingon coffee something that Karadis had turned her on to. The scalding hot strong liquid burned her gullet as she drank. “Is anybody going to talk to me?” She again addressed the walls enclosing her. Making a decision she decided to go to the crew dining room at least to be around others.

Stopping outside Lieutenant Commander Kevin Kilbane’s quarters she pressed the chime.

Inside, Kilbane was still stumbling about trying to get ready for breakfast. He'd showered, got dried and was half ready as the door chime sounded. Walking across the room, he pressed the button to open the door and was pleasantly surprised to see Shon standing there. He was just about to say something when two passing female engineers looked his way and began giggling and nudging each other.

"Good morning ladies, everything ok?" he asked them.

"Yes Sir, but aren't you finding it a little breezy...below decks?" one asked.

Kilbane gave her a puzzled look, "What do you mean Lieutenant?"

She pointed down at his legs. Kilbane looked down then realised he hadn't put his uniform trousers on.

"Ah, oh, yes, that's, well..." and he looked at Shon, "Can you excuse me a moment, I'll be right back", and with that he disappeared inside. A couple of moments later he reappeared now fully dressed, "There, all ship shape and Bristol fashion, So, how can I help you Shon?"

"Good morning Lieutenant Commander I called to see if you would like to go to breakfast with me." she said smiling.

"I see, we're being formal" Kilbane replied, a little disappointed, but he chose to try and get past it. "Breakfast Lieutenant, yes, that would be...nice."

"I thought I would keep it formal in the corridor but I very much like calling you Kevin." She put her arm through his as they strolled to the cafeteria It was pretty empty as the shift change had not yet happened. "where do you want to sit Kevin?" she asked.

"Well, that depends" he replied, "We can sit near the replicators and that way it just looks like two Senior Officers having breakfast, or, we can sit near the back away from people and that will peak their interest and start the rumour mill off big time and pretty soon instead of us just having breakfast, by the time we go on shift you'll be pregnant with my triplets and we're getting married tomorrow. So, what's your preference?"

She chortled, "I want to sit as far away from anyone else so I can call you Kevin. If it begins a rumour mill what do I care so long as I do not have to call you Lieutenant Commander and some of the looks I am getting are far from friendly."

"I think we should call our kids Curly, Larry and Mo" Kilbane said, "and as for the looks you're getting not being friendly, well, that's their look out."

Walking into the cafeteria, he guided them to the replicators and once there he said, "So Lieutenant, what would you like?"

"Just scrambled eggs and coffee I think? although if I remember the replicators maybe coffee would be the best."

He gave Shon's order and his own for a cooked breakfast and cup of tea. Gathering them, he turned and nodded to the far end of the room where there was a free table. As they walked towards it, he caught askant glances from a few of the crew members, and each time he did, he stopped and quietly said, "Do that again when the Lieutenant here and I'll rip your arms off and beat you to death with the wet ends" then carried on walking.

Once at their table, he set the breakfasts down and took a seat. "I've set a few of the crew straight, I don't think you'll have trouble from anyone anymore."

At that point, Karadis appeared in the doorway of the cafeteria and looked around. Seeing Kilbane, she marched over and stood at the table, completely ignoring Shon and focusing on just him, "You, up now, come with me."

Shon was shocked to see the Klingon woman although she knew it was only time, and here it was. "Hello Karadis, we are having breakfast."

Karadis ignored Shon and continued staring at Kilbane.

"As Shon just said, we're having breakfast Commander" Kilbane said.

"I'm sorry, did I begin that sentence with If it pleases your Grace?" Karadis replied, "Get up off your backside and come with me, NOW!"

“She does outrank you Kevin” Shon said and stood. “Maybe we should just check with the Commodore though?” She said staring at Karadis as she did so.

"Oh, that one's got you under her thumb already Kilbane, I can just see you trotting along behind her 'Yes miss, no miss...', you're still as pathetic as ever" Karadis said, continuing to ignore Shon.

"We can do this one of two ways" she carried on speaking to him, "You can choose to come with me as I ordered, being your superior officer, or, you can choose to refuse a direct order from your superior officer whereby I'll arrest you for insubordination. You know I'll do it, I have no qualms as I've got a backbone, unlike some."

Kilbane looked between Karadis and Shon, a lost look on his face. He slowly stood up, and looking at Shon said, "She has a point, she is my superior officer, she doesn't need the Commodores permission to tell me to go with her if she orders it, sorry."

Shon nodded, “there is no need to apologise, I hope to see you later? Karadis I’d like to give you the opportunity to beat the crap out of me, if not I’ll beat the crap out of you.!”

Karadis laughed, "Kilbane, did you hear that, it was some kind of whiney...bleating sound. I think your muse farted, must be all the hot air they expel."

“ nga'chuq'egh! Karadis” Shon shouted “go pick on someone your own size, your ego continues to grow with the size of your stupidity.”

Almost the entire cafeteria stopped and turned their heads towards where Shon, Kilbane and Karadis were when Shon shouted out her insult.

Karadis laughed again, "Ooooooh, looks like someone has lost control of their emotions, not a good look in front of the crew. Still, at least they were able to get the phonetics correct, I suppose that's something, even if it sounded like a petulant child stamping their feet trying to get attention. Kilbane, get a grip of her before she embarrasses you even further."

Kilbane turned to Shon and said, "Please Shon, keep your voice down."

In response to his request she did. “Listen you, you know why everyone hates you don’t you? You are a bully pure and simple, you strut around looking like a cheap whore and smelling worse, and the muck that comes out of your mouth is fit only for the targ pit. You have never had any honour, nor ever will.” Shon stood and walked out. She leant on the other side of the bulkhead shaking.

Kilbane looked at Karadis and said, "You really are a nasty piece of work Karadis, and the Doctors right, you have no honour. Can you even remember how that felt, actually having honour, take a good long look in the mirror, you won't even recognise yourself."

"Oh please, give it a rest Kilbane will you" Karadis replied, "have you forgotten what she did to the Captain, how he was after she threw a hissy fit and left before. He was a broken man, it took us months to piece him back together again and even now, he's not the same as he was before. Save your self righteousness for someone who gives a damn, she caused trouble then, and she'll cause trouble now, she doesn't deserve to be back here, how she managed to con her way back is beyond me but I'll find out."

"See those orders you gave me, stick them up your arse" Kilbane replied, "you can try and arrest me for insubordination if you want, but if you do, you better be prepared to kill me doing it because I'll kill you for sure if you try."

Karadis just grinned an evil grin, "Move along then puppy dog, your mistress is tugging your leash, you better go."

Kilbane just stared daggers at her then walked away. Once outside in the corridor, he saw Shon leaning against the wall. Walking over to her he said, "I'm really really sorry about what happened back there, Karadis was way out of line, I'll make sure she pays for it."

Shon looked around to ensure there was nobody else around. “No, please Kevin, I knew it was going to happen when we met I am just sorry you had to be involved. Karadis is a dangerous animal but I refuse to let her bully me. I will fight her if necessary but I do not want to, mainly because she will probably kill me.” She laughed a little, “ I do know I have many bridges to build. Listen if you have time let’s go somewhere and have that breakfast, my quarters, or yours? If not we can meet later?” A couple of the crew walked past so Shon stood and moved a little apart from him.

"Well, we do have a couple of hours to kill before going on duty, so why not come back to my place for breakfast and we can have a chat, sound good?" he asked.

"Thank you, that sounds excellent so long as Karadis does not have the code to your quarters?" Shon laughed.

"She does, she has an override code, but she won't dare come in, not after what I just said to her in there" he thumbed over his shoulder towards the cafeteria. He started to walk towards the turbolift and in no time at all they were in Kilbane's quarters.

Ordering them two bowls of porridge with honey and two coffees he sat down at the table in the kitchen area and offered Shon to sit opposite him.

"Shon, I need to say something, and please don't get upset at me, but I do need to get it out into the open" he began. "I know coming back here's a big thing for you, in more ways than one. I realise that you still have feelings for Finchley, strong one's I'd think. I'm not stupid, all I ask of you is that if we're going to make a go of this, you don't compare me to him, I'm different by nature, not by much else, but nature, yes. I want things, and you'll want things, we just have to figure out what's comparable, what we have in common that we both feel we want."


Shon took a sip of the hot sweet coffee, it felt natural, somehow being here with him felt good. She put a hand on his arm feeling the warmth through his uniform. "You were right about my feelings for Finchley but that is over and I do not, have not left things unsaid. I want, need love, kindness, strength and someone to believe in and to believe in me. You are not and never will be Finchley and that is good." She took a spoonful of porridge. "I know these things do not come immediately and the job we do presents difficulties but...... " Suddenly tears began to fall from her eyes as if everything that had happened to her since she had last left the Blackeagle wanted to come out. She leaned towards him. "Hold me" she asked.

Kilbane moved and put his arms around Shon and held her, "Hey, what's bringing this on?"

"I suppose" she said through her tears. "I suppose it's a reaction to being treated with kindness after the past year out, alone on the mission, it was difficult, even more so having no one to confide in." Her tears began to subside as she leant against him her Vulcan nose finding his smell pleasing. "what do you need Kevin?" she asked.

"I need to be me, the me that's outside of the mission animal that I become" he replied, "believe it or not, when I'm not with Bird or Karadis, I'm a different person. I revert back to my upbringing self, the person who was 'His Grace'. I don't expect you to believe me, seeing as you've only really witnessed the 'mission Kilbane', but I am totally different when away from all that. I also want you to be able to see the finer things that life can offer, I want us to be happy, content in each others company and explore a relationship that's built on mutual trust and understanding."

She looked at him. "I understand. I always thought the Kilbane I was with on mission was crude and uncaring but, now I know you are not. I too find it easier on mission to be a different person but as a doctor it is my sworn duty to save life. For me it is a difficult position to navigate. Shon took his chin in her hand and guided herself to his mouth kissing him gently.

Kilbane returned the kiss with the same gentleness Shon was showing him. When their lips parted, he looked into her eyes, "I'd like to show you something, it's personal to me, it's what helps me set apart the Jekyll and Hyde nature that allows me to remain sane, well, as sane as anyone in our line of work can be. Are you willing to trust me and let you see it?"

Shon smiled, " I would love to and I do trust you Kevin."

"We have to go to the holodeck" he replied, taking her by the hand and gently guiding her up out of her chair and out then door of his quarters. Within moments they were outside the nearest holodeck and Kilbane said "Computer, Kilbane programme one."

There was a slight pause whilst the computer set the programme up and then it said, "Simulation complete, enter when ready."

"Close your eyes" he said to Shon.

Shon closed them allowing herself to be led into the holodeck.

He slowly led her through the doors, and within seconds they were in his programme. He looked around the vista, it was as he wanted it to be. Before them was a wonderful view from atop the hillside, rolling hills leading down to a river, lush green grass and wooded areas as far as the eye could see. A gentle breeze drew the scent of the flowers and the forests to them and he smiled. Turning to Shon he said, "Open your eyes..."

Opening her eyes she gasped taking in the beauty of the vista. "Is this your home?" she asked.

"This is indeed my home, Sanquhar" Kilbane said, his smile still there, "actually, the town is about a half hours walk away, this is the countryside to the south west, and that's the river Nith" he carried on, pointing down to the water.

"I've set the programme up for the year seventeen hundred, so about twenty years after the foundation of it, but I wanted all to be unmolested by anything modern, I wanted the beauty to be as it was" he said.

At that point, a voice from behind them said "Good morning your Grace, M'lady...isn't it a wonderful day."

Kilbane turned and saw who it was who had spoken, it was Jedard, his chief herdsman.

Kilbane looked at Jedard, then back at Shon and laughed, "Lady Shon T'ghann-Dex, may I introduce Mr Jedard McCullough, Chief herdsman for our estate."

Jedard, removed his hat and bowed before Shon, "It's my pleasure to meet you Lady T'ghann-Dex."

Shon would have curtsied had she the right clothing but she just bowed. "Pleased to meet you Jedard, this is a beautiful place you look after it well sir."

"I try my very best for his Grace and the family M'lady" Jedard replied, standing up again and putting his hat back on. "I don't recognise your accent, I take it your not from around here?"

She smiled, "no I'm not I am from ....a long way away."

Jedard just smiled. "Well, it's bonny accent anyway M'lady, it's been an honour to meet you, but if you'll excuse my interuption for a minute I've just got to pass a message onto his Grace."

Turning to Kilbane he said, "My Lord, the Duke of Clyde has sent word that the King will be visiting tomorrow, do you have an instructions you wish passed on?"

"The King!" Kilbane almost shouted, then reigned in his voice, "Yes, tell Harris to make all haste with preparations for his highnesses visit, all rooms to made available to him and his court, all food to be prepared at once in case he arrives early."

Jedard nodded and said, "Very good your Grace" and then turning to Shon he doffed his cap bowed once again and simple said, "M'lady" before turning and making off.

Kilbane turned to Shon and took hold of her hands, grinning like an idiot, "The king is coming...here, do you know what that means Shon, do you see what that implies!"

"I think it implies a great deal, it means he trusts you and feels you are an asset to him or he wants something from you. I would dearly love to meet him,' she looked down, "but appropriately." I could get into all this Kevin, i really could. "I take it it is the Scottish king?"

"Actually, King William is Dutch by birth, but he's sovereign of Scotland due to his birth line" Kilbane replied. He danced with joy, "I can't believe the king is coming to Sanquhar! Oh, to answer what you said, there are plenty of gown and dresses in our castle, I'll see to it you have maids who can help you out with getting it all put on and worn correctly. Getting into this is my way of relaxing, de-stressing, getting out of myself, so I hope you enjoy it to. Shall we..." he said, pointing after Jedard who was now just a speck in the distance on the hillside."

"Let's go" she said putting her arm through his. As they walked Shon could see a rushing river, "I would love to swim in the river one day Kevin."

"The Nith is pure fresh water, it's delightful to swim in, and also fish, if you fish that is" Kilbane replied, "fresh salmon, cooked, there's not a taste like it."

They were soon at the castle, and as they approached Harris, Kilbane's main man servant, was waiting. "Your message was passed on by Jedard my Lord, preparations for the king's arrival tomorrow and fully under way."

"Thank you Harris" Kilbane replied, "This is Lady T'ghann-Dex, she'll be our guest for the next day or so. She's travelled from Vu....Vienna, her stay is spur of the moment, her ladies and clothing are still enroute from her last stop over. Can you arrange sleeping quarters for her, also ladies in waiting who can she she's got dresses and gown befitting the kings arrival."

"Very good your Grace" Harris said, and nodding to Shon he added, "I'll see to is Mrs Shephard arranges everything for you M'lady."

"Thank you Harris, that'll be all for now, except, has the dinner gong been sounded?" Kilbane asked.

"I was just about to do so my Lord, shall we delay whilst you both get changed?" Harris asked.

"No, no, we'll eat as we are then get changed afterwards" Kilbane replied.

"Very good my Lord" Harris answered, looking at what Shon was wearing and trying not to show surprise on his face, "I'll ring the gong now."

Kilbane led Shon inside, and presented the hall to her, "What do you think?"

Shon looked around, the walls were dark but beautiful tapestries covered them. Animal heads she did not recognise looked out from the walls. The floor was covered in rugs that were obviously well used but homely. Stairs led up from the hall onto what looked like a gallery. the smell was once of clean herbs. Some paintings were placed on the wall over a huger fire hearth which was crackling away full of pine logs. Shon felt she could get lost in this beautiful place. "It is all so beautiful, so different."

"But you feel at home here?" he asked, "I mean, I know we just got here, but you seem so taken by everything, I'd like to think that this could become our refuge away from the madness that's our duty."

“Oh Kevin this is so beautiful, I do not know this time period but the attention to detail, the outside and this.” Shon swept her hand around. I find myself wanting to live in this world. Can this be my home and also Puss, he would love to hunt in the forest. I want to see more, meet everyone and I may not be the gracious lady you expected but, I can learn.” Shon reached out her hand to him.

"Of course this can be your home, and puss as well...though Mrs Shephard may have to be won over on that point..." Kevin replied, taking her hand. "You may not think you're a gracious lady, but you are, it's more the customs and language of the time you may need to learn more of. Well, the dinner gongs been sounded by Harris, let's go to the dining room shall we, he doesn't appreciate tardiness."

Leading them to the dining room, he walked through the doors into the room and marvelled at the ornateness of it. Though he had been in there many times during his holodeck visits, it still made him stop and look in wonder. He walked to the far end of the long dining table and took his seat. Harris in the meantime held out a chair for Shon to sit down in next to him.

Shon nodded her thanks and sat down. She could not help but feel she should be in some grand dress that rustled as she walked. “Every room is more beautiful than the last Kevin, I cannot believe your mind dreamed all this up. May I ask do you have a stables with horses, I love to ride but have not done so for years?”

"We do indeed have stables" Kevin replied, "Harris, what horses do we currently have in there?"

"We have Highland ponies, Clydesdales, Shires and a few Garrons your Grace" Harris replied.

Turning back to Shon he said, "There you are Shon, you can have your pick once you decide when you want to go" he smiled.

“Harris, May I ask what a ‘Garron’ is? We do not have them where I come from.”

"Garron horses are a cross between a Clydesdale and a Highland pony M'lady" Harris replied, "They're mainly farm horses, used for pulling ploughs, but we keep few in the stable for riding as well."

“I once went to something called a Renaissance Fayre on Earth. They had something called a Destrier there. Supposed to be a warhorse for a knight. Magnificent creatures rather like a Shire but more muscular. I rode the one that was 18 hands. The feeling of safety, pure energy and speed …..my.” For a moment she drifted off into memory.

"The closest we have to anything like that is a Shire horse M'lady" Harris replied.

"Why don't we make a day of it the next time we're here" Kevin said, "we can even have a deer hunt whilst we're out, would that be something you'd like to do Shon?"

“I am not sure what a ‘deer’ is Kevin but I would love to. It’s a shame we have to return for our duty shift in an hour. Maybe on our next visit we can get to look the part and stay the night.” Shon blushed as she realised what she had said.

Harris harrumphed into his hand and said, "Shall I serve the soup my Lord, we don't want it going cold?"

Kevin laughed at what Shon had said, it's unmeant connotation and Harris covering his embarrassment with a cough.

"Yes, do Harris, do, we mustn't let the soup go cold, unless you're serving gazpacho that is" Kevin said.

"No your Lordship, it's Cock-a-Leekie that's being served" Harris replied, taking the lid off of the soup taurine and giving it a stir. He took Shon's soup bowl, filled it and put it back in front of her. He did the same with Kevin's and then brought over some Scottish sourdough bread and placed it between them.

"Thank you Harris, I'll ring for you when we want the next course" Kevin said. Harris bowed and said "Of course your Grace, M'lady" and left the room.

"I do hope you'll like these things, I've developed a great liking for the food of this era, it's all so healthy and so very very tasty."

Shon looked into her soup bowl. “To be honest I do not eat much apart from cake, I love cake, but this, this looks interesting.” Taking a small amount on her spoon she sipped it. She took a whole spoon this time. “This is delicious” she said. I think I am going to love it here.

"I think we're both going to love it here" Kevin replied, "it'll be our home from home. Now, I believe the main course is cooked local salmon, caught this morning on the Nith, I think you'll love it. However, once we're finished the main course, we will have to leave this paradise and return to normality as our duty shift will be starting. Much as I want to just stay here with you forever, I don't think the Commodore would be very happy."

Shon looked at the salmon with a little trepidation, she had not eaten much fish apart from that her grandfather had caught and that had been very bony. This, however looked pink and sleek and broke apart. She took a hesitant bite and the taste immediately hit her. "This tastes wonderful" she said enthusiastically as she ate it all. she realised that she really wanted to stay and explore this strange new world on the holodeck. She looked at Kevin who looked entirely different. it seemed to Shon that he might have been born in this time and she smiled. "I want to return to this place, with you Kevin. Once I am settled here I will bring Puss on our visits." Thank you for bringing me here and sharing this beautiful place with me, " she said looking at him in a new light.

He took her hand in his and kissed it, "You're more than welcome Shon, I'm so happy you've enjoyed being here and also enjoyed the food. We shall return here when we can, after all, Harris, Jedard and Mrs Shephard will wonder where we are and will worry about us. We best get going so we can get ready for our shift."

With that, he stood up and gently brought Shon to her feet as well. Leading her back through the doors to the dining room and into the main hall, he had a final look around, "You know, I really do love this time and this place, it brings me closer to my ancestry, and now it's bringing me closer to you."

 

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